Where Are You, My Firebrand Friend?



Do you remember the time we returned late from partying,

Only to be met by my father at the gate?

While I sat cowering in the car, you walked up to him,

And pacified him.


Or the time when the teacher picked on me

For not doing well on a test?

You went up to her after the class

And told her why I couldn’t.


Or even that time, when the roadside Romeo

Tried to act funny?

You’d not even seen the incident,

Just heard me complain about it.

Not just did you escort me home that day,

But also, did not flinch from calling the cops

When the bugger dared to whistle at us.


What then happened sweetheart?

How then could you not answer back to him

When he shouted at you the very first time?


Why then did you not confront him

When you realized he was snooping on your emails?


How then could you not stand up to him

When he ridiculed you in front of his friends?


Why then did you not walk out of the house

When he twisted your arm?


How then could you not call the police

When he slapped you black & blue?


What happened to the firebrand friend I had?

Did marriage take away your steam?

Why then did you not reach out to me or any of us?

Was the ‘sanctity’ of marriage more important than your self-esteem, & more importantly, your life?


Dear ladki, rise and get into your fight mode.

Let me be the wind beneath your sails for once.

You are fire – it keeps those around warm but it also burns.

Let us end what we did not begin…


What happens behind closed doors must not remain behind closed doors if it is harmful to the people involved. Why then do we put a finger on our lips when it comes to domestic violence?

I pledge to raise my voice against it, taking inspiration from When I Hit You, Meena Kandasamy’s new book.


Featured Image Courtesy clipartix.com



4 thoughts on “Where Are You, My Firebrand Friend?

Add yours

  1. Lovely Blog Priya. I had a friend who had a similar episode in her life and I did ask her that question that you asked. Asking is always easy isn’t it 🙂

    That girl did say that she expressed to the guy who gave her the pain to not do it. She did say that she didn’t wish to hurt her parents then and when expressed at high level the situation, told her that give time to the relation. Apparently their family had just recovered from a major health concern one of their parents was facing and this girl didn’t wish to disrupt the balance.

    Now both the parents of the girl are a decade older, probably less abled age wise by then. This however didn’t stop them from pursuing the battle, now that they are stronger from that calamity and believe in the daughter more, as previously nobody believed that the boy(so called my friend’s husband) was never seen by anybody doing this anywhere and years later, what he did to her in private leaked publicly by his own actions and this augmented with the health records of the girl made people comprehend and connect the dots of what she was put through.

    I did ask her if she didn’t cry for help? She told me that most of her Masters friends were busy in their lives around the time this happened, so she did shout to her bachelors friends, some of whom had connected during her marriage time….but nobody responded and just ignored the shout out loud.

    The girl eventually walked out of the wedding merely 4 months after physically living together, since the problems she already faced with the guy during the long distance relationship was being termed as, miscommunication due to distance. 🙂

    The parents involved in covering up for their abusive son need to be held responsible and instead they blame it back on the parents of the girl reporting it for not taking an action. Hypocrisy of Silence and Tyranny of Speaking up this is.

  2. Thanks Aruna! It’s indeed easy to ask questions but if we don’t start asking, we can never expect to get a response 🙂 The incident narrated by you breaks my heart. Nobody should have the misfortune of going through this but I’m glad your friend didn’t continue to suffer, & instead chose to walk out. Self before anyone/ anything else…

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