Over the last few weeks, a thought has been nagging me. Indians are a strange lot. We love chattering but only about shiny, happy matters. Broach a complicated question and we clam up. In fact, we can go on for hours about geopolitics or the latest Bollywood gossip, but do not utter even a squeak about things that truly affect our lives. Maybe, we think that not chatting about it will make it go away.
People only want to see glowing pregnancy & adorable baby photographs. Nobody wants to communicate about things like miscarriages, high risk pregnancies & fertility treatments.
People only want to see in-love couple & shiny wedding photos. Nobody wants to converse about divorces & heartbreaks.
People only want to hear about awards, promotions & salary hikes. Nobody wants to express about layoffs & toxic office cultures.
People only want to know about certifications, degrees & pedigrees. Nobody wants to gab about failures.
Despite India being a collectivist society, Indians are retreating into shells. What we do not realize is that many of us are battling demons. Yet, we feel that we are the only ones fighting because we have not heard anyone else mention it.
The moment we ourselves start sharing, we will realize we are not alone in our struggles. (Personal Experience!) And, disclosing does ease the burden. (Or, if you are a cynic, think of it this way – misery loves company!)
So, the next time, I am going to ditch the small talk and the political discussion, & instead ask, “Are you grappling with anything?” or “Is there something you want to speak about?” or “Is there something I can help you with?”.
(I wish more women asked, “Are you okay?” rather than the pathetic “So, when are you giving the good news?”)
P.S. Before anyone gets offended by this blog post, my humble submission – I am not against talking about happy subjects. I just request a balance to be maintained.
An Ordinary Girl 
6 responses to “Complex Issues”
Amazing one and actually a good observation. I think at times people get to share as no one asks, people tend to not share due to judgements associated.
Thank you Manisha! Both your points are valid. We just don’t ask; we assume that things are fine or even if they’re not, we hesitate because ‘awkward ho jaega’.
& second, yes, we don’t share because we fear judgement. & this is partly right too. Not everyone will be objective towards our circumstances.
We need to be able to develop a circle of trusted listeners. & more importantly, we need to make ourselves a judgement – free person so that anybody can reach out to us unhesitatingly!
Reblogged this on An Ordinary Girl and commented:
This post of mine was published on Women’s Web! https://www.womensweb.in/2020/02/how-we-readily-share-our-good-times-but-shy-away-from-being-openly-vulnerable-feb20wk1sr/
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Hello 🙂 thats a very interesting question that i have been pondering on for a while myself. May be we are ok being in a comfort zone and are content leading a below average life which results in nothing for anyone else but ourselves. More I think about it, more I am getting inclined towards finding one’s purpose in life (beyond self). May be purpose in life could change the way we have been approaching the things that should matter.
Oh wow! You’ve taken it to an existential level. What you say may have merit. We’re moving towards an I, Me, Myself world where hyper-competitiveness is making us myopic.
This selfishness (what I interpret your term of ‘below average life’) has made us either oblivious to the challenges of others or uncaring about them. I don’t know about purpose (if I’ve found my purpose) but from the time I’ve started pursuing my passion, I find I’m becoming more aware of people (& their circumstances) around me.
Hmm… I’ll be mulling over this. Thank you so much for commenting & sharing your thoughts!